Dance-Off
by RandomReaderQ
Summary: "There was a dude doing the moonwalk—on the freaking moon—while standing before an all powerful celestial being hell-bent on taking over the universe. Yep, this was Peter Parker's life now." Or, Thanos has the Avengers outgunned, and the Guardians show up in that Infinity War scene we all desperately need. Action, drama, humor…this one's got it all.


_Sidenote: Guys that Super Bowl teaser I'm SHOOK..._

 ** _Dance Off_**

* * *

How they managed to get into outer space, he actually had no idea. All he knew was that they were in outer space on the moon.

('Not _the_ moon,' Karen had reprimanded, 'but _a_ moon').

Whatever that meant. They were on _a_ moon, him and the Avengers—like, all of them—Mr. Stark, Captain America, the Panther dude…even Bruce Banner had shown up a few days ago, dropping out of the sky and babbling about portals and infinity stones. There had been lots of confusion and yelling, lots of hugging, lots of explaining, more yelling and apologizing and tea and…and…where was that thought going again?

Oh yeah—the _whole_ Avengers team was here! With him! In space!

Wait, no. Thor was still MIA, wasn't he. But his replacements seemed to be doing pretty well—two random ninjas whose powers seemed like a crossover of The Last Airbender and Harry Potter.

 _Where_ did Mr. Stark _find_ these people?

And again, he had no idea how they all got here. He was kind of unconscious for that bit. Wasn't quite sure he had woken up yet, if he was being completely honest. But if this wasn't a dream, and he was actually on the—ahem, _a—_ moon, he assumed the giant purple dude laughing maniacally had something to do with it.

('Thanos,' Karen supplied helpfully).

Right, Thanos. Weird name. Thanos. THAnos. Tha-nose. Heh heh. Thaaanooos.

…

 _Thanos._

* * *

Awareness hit Peter Parker like a freight truck, and he was wide awake in an instant. He shot up—well, he tried to. A screaming pain in his ribs and a wave of dizziness sent him crashing back down on his elbows. Karen's voice filtered through his mask, warning him against sudden movements. Broken ribs, broken ankle, bruised neck, probable concussion…was it just him, or did the AI sound worried?

Lifting just his head this time— _ow, definitely a concussion_ —Peter blinked rapidly and tried to make out his spinning surroundings. Literally. Hundreds of chunks of rock were _actually_ _spinning_ , rotating through the air like planets around the sun. The sun, of course, was Thanos—a purple figure silhouetted against the orange-tinged sky. His raised fist, shining golden and bright, kept the 'planets' in orbit, bending gravity to his will. He had created an armor of shifting stone, a truly formidable defense.

And a decent offense, apparently. A rock slab the size of a car abruptly shifted, a planet flying out of orbit at the sun's command. It slammed into the Iron Man armor, hurtling him to the ground. The resulting impact shook the ground with the force of a small earthquake, sending a jarring pain through Peter's battered body.

 _'_ _Yeah,'_ he thought, groaning, ' _this isn't good.'_

Mr. Stark was now immobilized in his suit to the left, gears grinding and sparking as he tried to free himself from a massive pile of rubble and debris. (And if this version really _was_ connected to his...brain, bones, body...? Whatever he had said...Peter couldn't even _imagine_ how much damage that impact had...) A further glance showed the War Machine armor in a similarly buried and damaged state…

Captain America ( _was he still going by that?)_ was out cold a couple dozen yards to the right, Sam Wilson doggedly shielding him with his scorched and smoking wing suit…

Hawkeye was still up and shooting, running interference as Bucky worked to pull the unconscious Black Panther away from Thanos and his rapid stone projectiles…

The rock orbit was looking more like tornado at this point, twisting and spinning faster and faster, discharging any rocks that could not keep pace and sending them to rain havoc on the Avengers below…

Wanda stepped up behind Hawkeye, jaw firmed and eyes fixed on the mayhem. Her powers engulfed the tornado in a sudden burst of scarlet energy, corralling the chaos in an attempt to reverse the momentum. It seemed to work for a moment—her body rigid, fingers darting about like she was strumming an invisible harp. The motion slowed, and the rocks began to cave inwards toward Thanos. But then he let out a yell, she let out a gasp, and suddenly Wanda was on the ground and the tornado was spinning faster than ever, hurtling rocks in every direction…

Peter's gaze was abruptly blocked by a blur of red as the taller ninja—Dr. Strange—darted in front of him, planted his feet. He was frantically weaving golden shields out of midair, desperate to protect the unconscious Avengers around him and Peter—Natasha, Wong, Vision…

The Hulk was one of the only ones still actively engaging Thanos. He launched himself at the alien with a roar…

…and was smacked out of the air by a glowing golden gauntlet. He shrunk into Bruce Banner as he fell, crashed straight into a now armor-less Mr. Stark, and sent both men tumbling back into a cloud of debris. Thanos let out a deep, bone-chilling laugh…

* * *

If Peter had been closer during Hulk's attack, he would have seen a tiny figure race up the Hulk's back, dart across his outstretched arm, and leap from a massive green finger onto an even more massive golden glove.

As it was, Peter (and everyone else, judging by their expressions) was shocked to see Scott Lang burst out of nowhere, swinging around the gauntlet like a gymnast as he grew to a normal size, then ten times that. The look of confusion on Thanos's face could almost be considered comical as Antman ( _Giant-Man?)_ used his momentum to yank the glove off, the resulting motion sending Thanos into an undignified face-plant.

With the loss of their 'sun,' hundreds of rocks came tumbling to the ground. Dr. Strange and Wanda erupted into frenzied motion, his golden energy intertwining with her scarlet weavings in truly mesmerizing display. The two worked in tandem, struggling to deflect and reroute the debris and protect the Avengers from being crushed.

Scott was the one laughing now, planting one giant foot on his defeated foe.

"Ha HA! Take that, you purple sonuva—"

But then a purple hand grabbed an oversized ankle, a purple face twisted into a scowl, and suddenly _Scott_ was on the ground, _Scott_ was in trouble... Thanos rose to his full height, gripping the now human-sized man by the throat. A smirk grew on his face as he watched Scott struggle for air.

"You know," he mused, "fun isn't something one considers when balancing the universe. But this…" Thanos paused, bending down to retrieve the Infinity Gauntlet. "…this does put a smile on my face."

They were defeated, and Peter knew it. Half of the team was either unconscious or stuck under debris. Dr. Strange was spent, barely upright as he tried to shield the incapacitated Avengers. Wanda wasn't much better, leaning heavily on Hawkeye and Bucky.

They were done, finished. Thanos laughed, loud and long, and raised the Infinity Gauntlet high…

And it was at that exact moment that the scream of an electric guitar cut through the air.

* * *

Now, between being bit by a radioactive spider, nearly getting killed by your ex-crush's super villain dad, stealing Captain America's shield and having _the_ Tony Stark as a mentor…Peter had grown pretty immune to surprises. Oh, there's an evil purple alien trying to take over the universe? Sounds about right. They were on the—sorry, _a_ —moon? It must be Tuesday.

But as a dude descended from the sky in a pair of jet-powered boots, red leather coat billowing to the tune of a familiar 80's rock anthem, Peter's eyebrows hit his hairline.

 _"_ _BACK in BLACK, I hit the SACK…"_

His boots touched down to the beat of the AC/DC ballad, helmet folding backwards to reveal a man in his early thirties. The guy was grinning up at Thanos—freakin' _grinning_ —swinging a gun on his thumb like he stepped straight out of the wild west.

 _"_ _Yes I'm LET LOOSE, from THE NOOSE...that's kept me HANGING ABOUT."_

"Yo! Grapes of Wrath, I'm calling you out!"

Thanos actually seemed as shocked as the rest of them, and his grip on Scott slackened. Scott used this to his advantage, shrinking himself back down to ant size and dropping to the ground. Thanos didn't even notice, eyes fixed on the newcomer.

The guy took a few steps forwards, eyes squeezed shut as he mouthed the lyrics with _feeling_.

 _"'_ _Cause I'm BACK…yes I'm BACK…well I'm back…yes I'm BACK."_

He was really getting into it now, doing a hop-skip-spin-slide in some sort of crazy suicidal dance routine straight up to Thanos himself.

Peter started to wonder if he had really woken up from that concussion.

 _"_ _Well I'm back in black, I'M BACK IN BLAAAACK."_

He skidded to a finish on his knees, looking up at Thanos with a challenge. "Second verse, take it away!"

Thanos couldn't seem to find his voice. "What...what are you...?"

The guy got back to his feet, still snapping and bouncing in time with the music. "Dance-off for the gauntlet, bro!"

And quite suddenly, Peter knew exactly how Aunt May had felt when she walked into his room last month.

' _What the fu—?!'_

* * *

 _A/N: 10 years ago, Back in Black was the opening song to Iron Man 1, the first movie in the MCU as we know it today. It's more 80's than 70's, but Quill's got that zune now...who knows what he's listening to XD. Plus, it was too good a tribute to pass up. Marvel's comin full circle guys...*wipes tear*_

 _Review? (I've got tentative plans for a second part...)_


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